Laying on my bed, feet blistered from the non-stop walking (which I adore!!!), exhausted from the magnitude of constant stimulation (of which I crave), and gazing out the window from the 24th floor, over looking a beautiful city (of which I used to live), I became very aware of the increase in the frequency of my travels over the past 4+ years.
The first thing that came to mind in this epiphany, was escapism. And the next part of this was about timing...that this increase in travel (escapism) came right around the time I received my first cancer diagnosis.
It is twofold, this escapism...it's not just a running from reality, but also a variation on the bucket list...a push to get out and LIVE. So, I'm not going to make this longing to escape a negative thing, but rather just an observation, a heightened awareness.
And here are some of my observations: when I travel, I feel like me without a melanoma diagnosis, I have no doctors in these places, I feel free of worry, my eyes are so open to joy, I don't have constant appointments related to health, I am grateful.
So, now I'm back, facing a week of many realities- my dermatology visit, my birthday, and my appointment with my surgical oncologist (who planned that?! oh, I did). Yep. Back to reality, but extremely refreshed, mind opened, and ready.
Maybe, just maybe...this whole thing is about finding the balance...the balance of reality and escape. I'm not sure, as balance is definitely not my forte (aside from a few yoga poses). But I'm working on it.