I'm speaking specifically about my eye ordeal. I went for my 6 week post-op visit yesterday, and was overflowing with joy to be given the green light on returning to contact lenses. Ready to run out of the office and home to my little, delicate, disk-shaped, polymer wonders that I have missed so much...I was told that I would need to be refitted in my left eye for lenses....because my eye is forever changed.
A new set of eyes? Hmm. Yeah, I can see that. A piece of eye taken out=shape changed forever. And it was then I realize that not only is my eye changed forever, but I am.
For six weeks I have been out of balance. Literally. I feel a tad bit sideways when wearing my glasses. I've noticed I park my car in the garage about 2 inches too far to the left. I trimmed my hair very unevenly, with the left side much longer. When I go to yoga class, I get the sense that I might just fall over onto my neighbor at any point...not to mention my mind cursing my glasses in downward dog, as they slide down my nose, making my vision half totally blurred and half in focus. Below is the best example I can give to you in terms of trying to explain the sensation.
I mean, I wasn't really seeing double or anything, just an overall feeling of being a little bit sideways (I hope that makes some sense).
Throughout this whole healing process, I have been forced (lol) to see what little patience I have with myself. Typically, I want things to run on MY time, be done quick, quick, quick, and NOW, NOW, NOW! Well, what I have come to realize, over and over again, is that the body does not care about MY agenda. It knows better than I do. It knows how it works, and there is no controlling that.
Sometimes I believe I was not given a fully expressible gene for patience. Excuses, I know. I just suck at it, and know that it is one of the many things I need to work on...daily. And so it is. I am given many opportunities to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. This feels bad while in it, but ultimately, it's a time that heightens awareness, fosters mindfulness, and builds gratitude. All good things!
Patience...We have become better friends over the past 6 weeks (not by choice, of course). I have gotten to know patience personally, beyond a concept, beyond an idea. It's part of me, whether I like it or not, and I'm ready to embrace it! And so, with my newfound "like" of patience, I decided to do something that will forever remind me that patience is necessary; that it is the key to serenity for me.
Yes, a tattoo... a symbol of patience in Hindi. (ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I'm hoping this reminder on my foot will keep from from sprinting across the parking lot to the door of my eye doctor's office tomorrow, as I go to get my new eye fitted for lenses. We shall see....
A new set of eyes, a new perspective.