Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Getting Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

As if getting comfortable, in and of itself, isn't hard enough, attempting to get comfortable with the UNcomfortable feels like an impossibility at times (most of the time, that is).  Well, this seems to be what the universe wants me to work on, because I have been given lots of opportunities to practice this as of late.  

I'm speaking specifically about my eye ordeal.  I went for my 6 week post-op visit yesterday, and was overflowing with joy to be given the green light on returning to contact lenses.  Ready to run out of the office and home to my little, delicate, disk-shaped, polymer wonders that I have missed so much...I was told that I would need to be refitted in my left eye for lenses....because my eye is forever changed.  

A new set of eyes?  Hmm.  Yeah, I can see that.  A piece of eye taken out=shape changed forever.  And it was then I realize that not only is my eye changed forever, but I am.  

For six weeks I have been out of balance.  Literally.  I feel a tad bit sideways when wearing my glasses.  I've noticed I park my car in the garage about 2 inches too far to the left.  I trimmed my hair very unevenly, with the left side much longer.  When I go to yoga class, I get the sense that I might just fall over onto my neighbor at any point...not to mention my mind cursing my glasses in downward dog, as they slide down my nose, making my vision half totally blurred and half in focus.  Below is the best example I can give to you in terms of trying to explain the sensation.
I mean, I wasn't really seeing double or anything, just an overall feeling of being a little bit sideways (I hope that makes  some sense).

Throughout this whole healing process, I have been forced (lol) to see what little patience I have with myself.  Typically, I want things to run on MY time, be done quick, quick, quick, and NOW, NOW, NOW!  Well, what I have come to realize, over and over again, is that the body does not care about MY agenda.  It knows better than I do.  It knows how it works, and there is no controlling that.  

Sometimes I believe I was not given a fully expressible gene for patience.  Excuses, I know.  I just suck at it, and know that it is one of the many things I need to work on...daily.  And so it is.  I am given many opportunities to become comfortable with the uncomfortable.  This feels bad while in it, but ultimately, it's a time that heightens awareness, fosters mindfulness, and builds gratitude.  All good things!

Patience...We have become better friends over the past 6 weeks (not by choice, of course).  I have gotten to know patience personally, beyond a concept, beyond an idea.  It's part of me, whether I like it or not, and I'm ready to embrace it! And so, with my newfound "like" of patience, I decided to do something that will forever remind me that patience is necessary; that it is the key to serenity for me.
Yes, a tattoo... a symbol of patience in Hindi.  (ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!)
I'm hoping this reminder on my foot will keep from from sprinting across the parking lot to the door of my eye doctor's office tomorrow, as I go to get my new eye fitted for lenses.  We shall see....



A new set of eyes, a new perspective.

6 comments:

  1. This is so cool !! Thanks for sharing

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  3. I can SO totally identify with wanting your body to do what you want it to do, WHEN you want it to do it! I had a small, non melanoma related surgery on my eye two years ago, and it hurt something awful! I hope you aren't feeling too much pain and that you are back to being "straight" and not sideways soon.:) You made me realize that even with all the worrying and watching that I think I am doing to keep melanoma away, I still haven't made it to the eye doctor. I need to get in there asap.

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    1. Hey LSM!! Yes, you should for sure see an eye doctor...and tell him/her all about your melanoma history...as well as your dentist and your OBGYN...oh, and also your hair person (they can check your scalp better than we can). I am back to "straight"...now that I'm back in my lenses! YIPPPPEEEEEEEEE!! :)

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